


Prompt thing #2

by grimmsmeatsticks



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cute, Funny, Hair Kink, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:25:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4924900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimmsmeatsticks/pseuds/grimmsmeatsticks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>”Bones knew there was something wrong with his roommate when he found a sink full  of burnt human hair in the bathroom.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prompt thing #2

Bones knew there was something wrong with his roommate when he found a sink full  of burnt human hair in the bathroom. He stared at it in disbelief for a moment, and then another. When his mouth could finally work it twisted into a frown that snarled: “ _Jim_!!”

Jim was already in the doorway, explanation right on the tip of his tongue. “Don’t worry, man. It’s nothing weird, I promise!”

“Your promises ain’t worth the shit they’re spewed out on.”

“They’re worth it! I promise! Just trust me, Bones-”

“Don’t call me that! I’ve told you a million times. I hate that na-”

“Come on, Bones. Trust me. You’re not gonna regret it,” Jim said with a smile and clapped his roommate on the shoulder. 

“I’m already regretting it. Now clean this mess up. I gotta shave,” Bones snarled impatiently. “Yeah. Yeah. I’ll do it.” Jim nodded and moved into the room to quickly gather up the burnt hair. Bones would have preferred to see it go in the trash, but instead Jim was carefully scooping it up into a paper bag while mumbling to himself that he didn’t have enough. 

 _Don’t ask_ , Bones told himself.  _You don’t wanna know. Just don’t ask._

Jim finished cleaning up and Bones waited for him to leave so he could start his morning routine, but Jim wasn’t going anywhere. The kid’s tongue darted out to wet his lips; a sure sign that he was nervous. “So… you’re gonna shave, right? You… uh.. you got any plans for the ha-”

“OUT!” Bones roared and it was only Jim’s lightning fast reactions that saved him from being physically thrown out by the doctor. After him, the door to the bathroom was slammed shut. 

- 

It was a full week before Jim’s… issues got in the way of Bones’ peace of mind again. 

The poor doctor came home beaten and tired after a particularly long graveyard shift. Jim’s bed was made, which to him meant that the kid hadn’t spent the night there at all. The thought of Jim actually getting up before 7 am and making his bed to boot? No. Bones wouldn’t believe it even if he saw it. 

Slightly relieved that he was alone, Bones threw his bag on his bed and stumbled towards the bathroom. He regretted it almost instantly. 

There was Jim, balls out and over the sink, trimming away his crotch hair with a pair of tiny silver scissors. There was a bag spread out in the sink to catch the fallen strands. 

“Hey, Bones,” he said with his tongue poking out the side of his mouth like it always did when he was concentrating really hard on something. “You could at least lock the door…” Bones grumbled and retreated, shutting the door behind him while he tried to simultaneously shut out the image of Jim with his nasty, over-sized junk all over where Bones washed his face-

…

He tore the door open again, this time startling Jim who let out a panicked cry about almost snipping his balls off. 

“ARE THOSE MY EYEBROW TRIMMERS?!”

Jim’s expression went from fear and horror to a sheepish smile. “Well, I-” he started but didn’t get any further before Bones ripped the scissors out of his hands, “No, I need those!”

“Get your goddamn own,” the doctor grumbled and left their dorm room to go sleep in one of the overnight cots in the hospital. All for the sake of getting away from his insane roommate before the urge to castrate him with a tiny pair of eyebrow scissors really took over. 

Goddamn Jim and his complete lack of understanding for simple human needs like personal space and… hygiene. The clippers went into the first trash disposal he could find. They were useless to him now. No amount of disinfectant would kill the feeling that he was shaping his eyebrows with every STD on this side of the known galaxy. Goddamn Jim.

- 

At least Jim had the decency to stay out of Bones’ way for a couple of days. It probably would have lasted longer, too, if Jim hadn’t come home to find Bones cutting his hair. 

Now, the kid had enough brains to  _not_  talk while Bones was carefully combing through his hair to shape the front of his side swipe almost strand by strand to make sure it was absolutely fucking perfect. But he hovered and fidgeted and stared until Bones stopped and turned to him with a growl. 

“WHAT?!”

“Can I please please please have your hair?” Jim asked with the sweetest, puppy dog plea in his voice and the biggest, bluest, most irresistible eyes. 

“No.”

“Please, Bones? You don’t need it anyway! It’s just trash to you and I really really need more h-”

“NO! I DON’T KNOW WHAT STINKIN’ PERVERSION YOU WANT MY HAIR FOR AND I DON’T WANNA KNOW, BUT YOU AIN’T GETTIN’ IT!”  Bones shouted and slammed the door in Jim’s face, locking it to make sure there wouldn’t be any more interruptions. He swore he could hear sad whimpering from the other side and he almost felt bad, but then his mind reminded him that Jim Kirk  _needs_  the occasional door in the face to keep him and his ego grounded.

- 

“Happy birthday, Bones!!” cried Jim the instant Bones walked into their shared room one evening a few days later. 

“Good GOD, what happened to you?!” Bones cried back to his now very bald roommate. 

“Had a haircut. Never mind that. Here!” Jim said and shoved a blue box into the doctor’s hands. Bones couldn’t tell what shone more brightly, Jim’s excited smile, or the light reflecting off of his freakishly large naked scalp. “You look terrifying..” he muttered as he took the box to open it. 

“You always say the sweetest things,” Jim said with just the tiniest drop of sarcasm. It slipped by Bones unnoticed for all the doctor was focused on was the bottle of vintage Romulan Ale that was in the box Jim had given him.

“How did you-  _Jim_. This could get you expelled and arrested and..” Bones stumbled over his words. “Jim, how’d you even get this?”

Jim waved his hand dismissively. “That’s only for people who get caught. I don’t get caught.” He put his chest out and flashed Bones another grin. Bones shuddered and went to their closet to find a couple of whiskey tumblers, and a beanie that he threw at Jim. “Please cover up that monstrosity you call a head before I lose my lunch.”

Jim made a face at him but still pulled the knitted hat on, then waited patiently for Bones to pour them each a glass of that sweet, precious, oh so illegal blue trip to heaven. 

- 

Later that night, when the bottle was mostly empty and they were on their backs in their respective beds, just enjoying the warm buzz coursing through their systems, Bones asked again how Jim had gotten his hands on a full bottle of the hardest-to-get drink on Earth. 

“You know C’tah from my combat class? He’s got connections. Rock solid ones. I traded with him.”

“What’d it cost you?”

Jim laughed. “He’s got this kink for burnt human hair? Apparently he mixes it with like… chalk and some juice from his home world and it keeps his dick up forever, he says. I dunno, but I have learned that most people freak out if you ask to buy their hair.”

“So that’s- “ Bones started as his liquored brain slowly started to follow. 

“Yep!” Jim said and sounded so proud of himself. “Yeah, I’ll look like a freak for a couple of weeks, and I’ve already had three dates cancelled on me, but it was totally worth it!”

“Just to give me that for my birthday?”

“Yep!”

Bones went quiet. After a while, he licked tingling lips and cleared his throat. “Jim?”

“Yeah, Bones?”

“Just… one question.”

“Yeah?” 

“Wh- Why didn’t you just get a bunch of clippings from a hair salon?”

There was silence as Jim sat up, eyes wide and mouth gaping. Bones turned to look at him and saw how Jim’s hand slowly moved up to stroke his hairless scalp. “Fuck…” Jim muttered and Bones cackled. The ale had been a great gift, but Jim realizing his outright idiocy in his eagerness to get his hands on it was the best damn gift a doctor could ever get


End file.
